Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007
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12:30 am
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when i started this journal, i set out to chronicle the experiences, observations, and thoughts that i could not chronicle anywhere else.
i also was trying my hardest not to become broody, or depressing.
i wanted to try to keep things positive.
and i think i did, for the most part.
then, last year, i really sank into a depression and lost my perspective on many things.
i think i'm now regaining it.
in fact i think i'm more than regaining, i'm actually growing.
i feel as if i'm finally making headway in my life again.
it's moving forward not keeping up.
very soon, i'll find myself in a new home, in a new town, with a new start, and a whole new set of challenges, while leaving alot of the old ones behind.
it's time for me to stop letting other people dictate my self worth
stop attempting to help those who will not help themselves
stop idolizing people who will not grow
stop thinking i'm less of person just because i observe more than interact
stop make excuses for other people's mistakes
stop letting my past limit my future
stop acting like a bastard, simply because people purposely push me to act that way
stop thinking that i only deserve to live in a hovel not a home
stop dwelling on the mistakes that i can not change
so much i have to do.
so much can change, when you simply change your address.
here's to a new home, and a new outlook
current mood:  optimistic
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, October 11th, 2006
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12:56 pm
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i apologize to those who read my journal.
i abruptly stoped writing.
i had a slight crisis of perspective and found myself no longer inspired to write.
i am still recovering from this little hurdle.
i will return to writing again soon.
i am hoping this fall will bring some inspiration and quicken my soul once more.
i believe it will, because it has done it before.
i thank all of you for reading.
i will become me again.
i promise.
current mood:  distressed
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, March 2nd, 2006
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8:13 am
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when do you think people will learn not to use one another like tissues?
i talked with a friend out in california last night.
and he is getting into a relationship he knows has no future, and no possibility of success, with a girl he doesn't really care for, shares nothing in common with, is only slightly attracted to, just to say he has a girlfriend.
that is the worst thing i've ever heard him say.
i asked him why he would do such a thing, and she said 'i don't want to be alone'.
given a choice between lonelyness and a relationship like that, i choose lonelyness.
people are not a wardrobe accessory, and should not be used simply to adorn one's lifestyle.
current mood:  pissed off
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, March 1st, 2006
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1:51 pm
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i play massively multiplayer online role playing games.
most of these games require a purchase of an initial cd.
you buy the cd or dvd install the game, and when you connect for the first time it downloads a huge patch.
this includes all the updates, changes and fixes the game has made sine the release till present day.
everytime you install from the cd or dvd it downloads these patches.
i was wondering why it is that none of these games allow you the ability to create an updated cd so you can
store the newest patch on a new install disk so if you need to re-install or install on another computer
you can do so with the new patch already downloaded.
this would save the users time, and the company bandwidth.
i think it's a good idea, and i'm sure i'm not the only one to have thought of it.
the question is, why hasn't any company implemented it?
current mood:  accomplished
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, February 28th, 2006
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8:56 pm
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i seem to be in a fight with my cellphone.
i say i have voicemail messages, and it tell me i don't.
i prove it by calling my voicemail on the phone itself.
'ha!' i say, 'see? i do have messages'
it replies on the the screen 'no new messages'
i show it proof, it denies it.
it's like walking around with a tiny plastic republican in my pocket.
except my cellphone is more useful.
current mood:  frustrated
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Monday, February 27th, 2006
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7:24 am
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my cat is wierd.
i woke up to him sitting on my head, kneeding my pillows.
i think he has a contest with himself to find the most insane way to wake me up.
current mood:  awake
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, February 26th, 2006
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2:14 pm
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i think everyone above the age of 20 has a secret about themselves they have never told anyone.
it could be as simple as that time they had to pee on the side of building because they couldn't hold it.
or as complex as they know where the holy grail is.
i think these secrets really shape who we are.
when did you first get a secret that you have never told anyone and that no one else knows you know?
current mood:  exanimate
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, February 25th, 2006
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11:51 am
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there is something euphoric when you turn off your alarm on friday night.
i go to sleep with a smile on my face every time I do it.
current mood: content
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(comment on this)
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Friday, February 24th, 2006
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4:43 pm
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i got a hankering for nice big salad!
i must be channeling my inner rabbit.
current mood: hungry
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, February 23rd, 2006
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1:33 pm
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can anyone tell me when tom cruise became a nut bar?
somewhere between him boinking rebecca demorney on a subway and him insulting an entire culture
by portraying a white, western version of a countries most sacred warrior,
he's gone plumb crazy.
can anyone pinpoint the exact moment this happened?
current mood:  weird
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006
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7:19 pm
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i just found out the origin of the military salute.
knights used to raise thier helmet visors to show the commanders and royalty they were who they were supposed to be.
that developed into the salute.
it's also much like the handshake.
warriors would greet one another by grasping hands to show they were not armed.
practical origins for societies pleasantries.
who'da thunk it?
current mood: enthralled
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, February 21st, 2006
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11:46 am
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i have a friend who i consider an alcoholic.
she doesn't get drunk everyday, but not a week goes by without 2 days where she drinks.
the other day she told me she quit drinking and smoking.
i just noded at the smoking comment, then simply said 'i don't believe you' when she said she quit drinking.
yes it was harsh. but it was the truth.
i don't believe her. and i'm not going to lie and tell her otherwise.
she told me for some reason. she didn't have to. i didn't ask. we weren't even discussing drinking at the time.
she had a reason for telling me. like she expected me to say i was proud of her or something.
she has said she quit before, and it didn't happen.
why would i give her positive feedback when what i think she is saying is a lie?
i do not really feel guilty about saying it, but she hasn't talked to me since.
that makes me kinda sad though.
current mood:  sad
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(comment on this)
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Monday, February 20th, 2006
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8:32 pm
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does anyone know of a website that has cost of living averages, and low/middle/high class ratings
for individual state areas?
i've been told that maryland is mostly lower and lower-middle class.
i want to prove someone wrong.
current mood:  devious
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, February 19th, 2006
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6:16 pm
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i've always said that everyone has thier limits
everyone's morality is differant.
some people see eating grapes from the supermarket as ok.
others think that it is stealing, and you'll burn in hell.
some think that cheating on someone is on as long as you are drunk so you can use it as an excuse.
some people think that shit is wrong.
some think that sex before marriage is wrong.
others think that it is ludicrious to marry someone without knowing if you are sexually compatible.
think about it.
what are you willing to do that another person is not?
everyone has a line they are willing to cross, and a line they are not willing to cross.
they have it in every area of thier life.
it's the battlefront of thier morality.
the ethical war, as it were.
compromise is the weapon of war.
current mood:  contemplative
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, February 18th, 2006
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9:36 am
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i thought about it.
and i think the whole polyamorous thing is bullshit.
either you are sleeping around, or your not.
there is no "multiple monogamous relationships"
it's just another term we've designed to make our actions seem like something they are not.
i mean if you are into that, that's cool.
that's your decision.
but don't stick some conjunction of a word on it to make it seem normal.
you have multiple sexual partners.
and no monogamous relationship.
get used to it.
current mood:  cynical
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(comment on this)
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Friday, February 17th, 2006
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2:22 pm
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why do computers still come with floppy drives?
does anyone besides hardcore geeks and pc techs ever use them anymore?
1.44 megs of data. what good is that? it's only good for word doccuments, and even i have
a few that more than triple that size.
can't they design a more 21st century replacement for that?
and just implement it already?
current mood: annoyed
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Thursday, February 16th, 2006
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7:57 am
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what if the moon really was made of cheese?
would we be tempted to eat it?
maybe that's why we don't go to the moon anymore.
current mood: giggly
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, February 15th, 2006
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10:41 pm
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i was looking at the sky tonight.
and wondering if the aliens have been screening thier calls.
we send thousands of messages into the ether of space, hoping to make contact with another civilization.
what if that other civilization doesn't consider us civilized?
what if we are the annoying kid who thinks he's cool, so he keeps asking the cool kids to go to the
cool party, only to finally get the wrong address because they want him to leave them alone.
i'm willing to bet if we do hear something back, it'll either be a false message meant to be a 'fuck you
now shut up with all your stupid radio transmissions' or someone dialing a wrong number.
and they have every right.
if i was a higher life form, i wouldn't want to hang out with the human species either.
current mood:  geeky
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, February 14th, 2006
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10:47 am
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how long should i keep oranges before they are too bad to eat?
they have this nice protective skin on them that makes it hard to know when the inside has gone south.
sometimes even when you cut it open the inside looks ok, even when it's not.
what is the shelf life of your normal navel orange?
current mood:  nauseated
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(comment on this)
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Monday, February 13th, 2006
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6:48 am
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i went with a friend to her uncles house to check on it while they were away, yesterday.
not house sitting. she just has to check on the house every few days.
just in case someone steals it or something.
her uncle lives out in the country (which isn't far from the city around here)
i was walking around the former farm. it hasn't been used for farming in over 10 years.
but i could still see the places horses walked, and chickens roosted, and an old
tractor was sitting behind the barn.
i even went into the barn. there was still some hay in a pen in there.
but most of it was converted for use as a garage.
it was interesting to see a buick, a bmw, and a toyota parked in pens like horses.
the whole place was a mixture of american hard work, and american laziness.
it kinda made me sad because it's a microcosm of what is happening to all of america.
farms, ranches, and plantations are being taken over by mini-malls and spralling corporate offices.
and all over this country buicks, bmws, and toyotas, are parked when horses once lived.
current mood: annoyed
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(comment on this)
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